1. Yin and...
a) Tonic
b) Now
c) Yenta
d) Yang
2. A Zen koan is...
a) A Jewish Buddhist
b) All of the above
c) None of the above
d) None of the above
3. Just before total God-realization I would see...
a) A blue pearl
b) Nothing
c) Everything
d) How would I know
4. Lao-Tsu is...
a) Shrimp with fried rice
b) The Atman Brothers
c) A Japanese word for sneeze
d) One of the above
5. Jivatman and Atman merge to become...
a) Jivatmanatman
b) The Atman Brothers
c) The Atman Jive Band
d) Atmandu
6. The word, or words, that best describes the relationship of God, Guru, and Self is:
a) Oneness
b) Twoness
c) Guinness
d) Good friends
7. Which of the following is not a name of the Lord?
a) Jehovah
b) Elohim
c) Yahweh
d) Myway
8. If you swap a Swami with a Yogi you get...
a) A Swogi
b) A Salami
c) Yogurt
d) Heartburn
9. Carlos Castaneda is:
a) A flamenco dancer
b) A resort near San Juan
c) The 2nd baseman for the LA Dodgers
d) The guitarist for Santana
10. Om Mani Padme Hum means:
a) O my knee pad is hung.
b) Old Man, pardon my home.
c) If u cn rd ths msg u cn gt a gd jb
d) Sanskrit for Never having to say you're sorry
11. The sound of one hand clapping is:
a) Very quiet
b) Similar to smiling with one lip
c) Like venereal disease
d) Like the "p" in swimming
12. Linguine is to fettucini as kundalini is to:
a) Eenie meenie
b) Halloweenie
c) Harry Houdini
d) Pepto Bismol
13. The Tao Te Ching is:
a) The new premier of China
b) A new record by Cheech and Chong
c) I Ching's older brother
d) A massage parlor in Beijing
14. If three devotees can meditate for a total of nine hours, how many devotees would it take to mow the lawn?
15. If three devotees can mow the lawn in one hour, how many stoned devotees would it take to meditate until nobody cared?
16. If shakti was rising toward the fourth chakra at a rate of 3.5 pranayamas per second, and at the same time an energy force was traveling in the opposite direction at a rate of 4.8 pranayamas per second, what time would it be in Chicago if we woke up in Los Angeles?
17. True-False:
____ Ramakrishna is a rice cereal with maple flavoring.
____ Satori is better than samadhi except on Sunday.
____ Sufi dancing is like square dancing, only rounder.
____ The Tibetan Book of the Dead is a novel by Stephen King.
Score:
0-5 points: You are hopelessly attached to the wheel of life and death. Try again next incarnation.
6-10 points: You are largely unconscious and stuck in wordly pleasures.
10-15 points: You are so-so on the enlightenment scale. Keep studying Be Here Now.
16-20 points: You are a very conscious being. With a little good karma you could go a long way.
20-25 points: You are very close to God.
Where to find the answers?
Ah, that is the true test.
